Ironically Ironic

Well, you know that my family has experienced a life changing event in that my children's father died. Ironically enough for the last 6 months of his life I kept encouraging him to spend more time with his children. At about the same time I developed my mystery illness he had his first heart attack. When I was at my sickest and the doctors still had no idea what was wrong with me, he had bypass surgery. I was told by our children that he and I must coordinate our illnesses better because having us both on death's doorstep at the same time was just too much for them.

I spent a great deal of time concerning myself with our children. What will happen to them if I die? Holidays have always been spent with me at my house. They would visit their Dad the next day or later in the weekend, if at all, but we were always together at my house. And not just holidays, when their brother comes to town, they gather at my house, the Fourth of July, Sundays... Well, I was finally diagnosed, began treatment and began to mend and he recovered from his surgery. I felt compelled to talk to him, to convince him to gt to know his kids as the adults they have become. I called him and wrote him letters. He reached out a little to our daughter, but as we all do, he thought he would have tomorrow to spend more time with them.

In my last conversation with him I told him I needed to know they would have someone and some place to gather and he said "You know, when you go it will leave a void.....but they'll find their way." A few weeks later I got a midnight phone call from my daughter that he had died.

In all my trying to pull him in to us and keep him a part of their lives, he's now gone and his passing has left a void and created an abyss that is tearing us apart. But, in time we'll find our way. Ironic isn't it?