When the roles reverse

Well, 2009 has promised to be the year of change and change it has brought. Actually, the past 12 months have been full of change for me and my family, but this year seems to be starting with some monumental changes.

The time comes in every adult’s life when the roles between parent and child reverse. My role with my parents has hit that point. My Mom is not in poor physical health, but her mental health is beginning to decline. I have several theories on this, one of which is stress. My parents are from the Depression Era and every one I have met from that era, are hoarders. They take consumerism to new heights and my parents are the pinnacle of that. I'll get around to the stress factor. Events have occurred which are making me realize my parents need help and I'm the only one of my siblings in a position to help. It started one afternoon when I had called my parents and they were both still asleep. It was 2PM! My Dad explained that my mother had fallen in the kitchen in the middle of the night. She was up making a grilled cheese sandwich for the dogs. She makes the best grilled cheese sandwiches. It's about the only thing the cooks well. However, on this particular grilled cheese making adventure, she was asleep. When my Dad reported the ins and outs of this event I decided it was time for someone to keep a closer eye on them. I then decided to move in with my parents to help my Dad take care of things around the house to help ease my Mother’s stress. There is barely a place to sit and maneuvering around the piles of magazines (“Don’t throw that away there’s something in there I want to read.” “Mom it’s from 1992.” “I haven’t had the time yet.”) is hard on the most nimble of person. Then there’s the six dogs! I’ll save that one for another time.

The first order of business was cleaning out the spare bedroom. It’s taken me a month! I found no less than 6 empty boxes in that room! Six! Why?! I also found under the bed a rather large boxful of lavender gift wrapping bows which immediately went into the donation pile. I’ll be damned if my Mother didn’t see that box and wonder what was in it! Ten years under the bed and now she’s interested. “Bows, Mom.” I told her.

“Oh, good. We can use them for wrapping Christmas presents.”

“It’s January, Mom, and they’re lavender. You didn’t use them this Christmas or any previous Christmas, let’s get rid of them.” Then the arguments came. They had to go out and buy bows for Christmas, when they could have used those bows. Pointing out the obvious, that she has had them all this time and not used them once and even forgotten about them would be wasted. They’re now in the basement with the rest of the gift wrapping items. And we haven’t even gotten to the closetful of unused clothing. She has dresses in there from the 70s! I could sell them on eBay as antiques! But, she wants to keep them all; she might wear them again one day.

“Mother, they’re too big for you.” It was so reminiscent of debates I had with my daughter who wanted to save a favorite dress or shirt even though she had outgrown them.

And so it goes with my Mother. I can hardly wait until I actually get moved in and attempt to locate the kitchen counter which I’m certain is what is holding up the 5 standing racks of mugs, 4 boxes of chocolate truffles (6 months old), 3 toasters, a bowl of stale potato chips, various receipts, …….