Committment

So, a friend sent me a link on November 1 this year about NaNoWriMo; AKA National Novel Writing Month. This was a challenge to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. Always up for a challenge I signed on. I've been in the process of writing my award winning, going to make me independently wealthy novel for approximately 40 years now. Writing is something I've always wanted to do. I have a lot of great, novel, ideas. And have started a number of them, so I thought it would be a piece of cake since I already had the beginning and end figured out, surely the middle would just fit in place.

All month I've been getting encouraging emails from various published authors; only one of which I recognized. And they all were reading my mind. Yes, I was bored with this story and wanted to start this other fresh story with a fresh plot. Yes, I was discouraged that I was writing slop and no one (not even me) would want ot read it. Yes, I had thought writing 50,000 words in 30 days was sheer insanity. But, I had made a committment, a promise to myself and the literary world to meet this goal; finally finish something that I have started. I have trouble with that, you see. I tend to bail when things start to look bleak. Well, along with learning to appreciate love, I decided my life's lesson was to learn to keep a promise. Not that I don't keep promises, I tend to not make promises so I don't have to worry about not being able to keep my promise.

So, I made a promise. And, as is true any time one makes a determination, all kinds of things came up that kept me from making my goal. I haven't felt well for most of the month and it's been difficult to sit at my computer to write every day. I decided mid-way through the month to abandon one story and continue on with another that I had abandoned in favor of this one. It was then I admitted to myself I have a problem with committment, so here it is the last day of the challenge and I'm 23,640 words into my 50,000 word novel. Not even half way through and I'm beginning to hate my heroine, agree with my villian that she's a snooty, bitch and decided our victim is truly a victim and should just accept his fate. I've already decided the fate of our villian and can't think of another 26,360 words to describe a sunset. I've thrown in the towel and admitted defeat. BUT, does that mean I'm giving up on my novel? NO! Am I giving up on this story line? NO! Will I continue to push myself to give birth to ONE, NOVEL idea? YES! Just not today.