I'm moved. Now the arranging starts. It's taken me six weeks to get moved into my parents place. First I had to clean out my new room, which had been used to store everything they didn't want to look at or deal with. Then I had to clean out my house. I've gone from 1100 square feet to a 10x10 storage unit and a 10x20 bedroom. I learned a lot about letting go of attachment. I still have my daughters Light Bright that's 20+ years old, but I've moved it with me for so many years I thought, "Why stop now?" The same goes for the kitchen clock and the rocking chair. But, it's done. Finally!
I now know why I had so many children. They're great when it comes to moving. My daughter jumped right in and got the little things done while I tackled the sorting of keep, donate and trash. My sons got the work out of their lives and did all the heavy lifting. I couldn't have done it without them. Now comes the arranging and co-mingling of my life with my parents. I'm looking forward to sharing many days and years with them. And my parents are looking forward to the many visits from my children. I hope that my coming here will add to theirs lives. I know it will add to mine.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
When the roles reverse
Well, 2009 has promised to be the year of change and change it has brought. Actually, the past 12 months have been full of change for me and my family, but this year seems to be starting with some monumental changes.
The time comes in every adult’s life when the roles between parent and child reverse. My role with my parents has hit that point. My Mom is not in poor physical health, but her mental health is beginning to decline. I have several theories on this, one of which is stress. My parents are from the Depression Era and every one I have met from that era, are hoarders. They take consumerism to new heights and my parents are the pinnacle of that. I'll get around to the stress factor. Events have occurred which are making me realize my parents need help and I'm the only one of my siblings in a position to help. It started one afternoon when I had called my parents and they were both still asleep. It was 2PM! My Dad explained that my mother had fallen in the kitchen in the middle of the night. She was up making a grilled cheese sandwich for the dogs. She makes the best grilled cheese sandwiches. It's about the only thing the cooks well. However, on this particular grilled cheese making adventure, she was asleep. When my Dad reported the ins and outs of this event I decided it was time for someone to keep a closer eye on them. I then decided to move in with my parents to help my Dad take care of things around the house to help ease my Mother’s stress. There is barely a place to sit and maneuvering around the piles of magazines (“Don’t throw that away there’s something in there I want to read.” “Mom it’s from 1992.” “I haven’t had the time yet.”) is hard on the most nimble of person. Then there’s the six dogs! I’ll save that one for another time.
The first order of business was cleaning out the spare bedroom. It’s taken me a month! I found no less than 6 empty boxes in that room! Six! Why?! I also found under the bed a rather large boxful of lavender gift wrapping bows which immediately went into the donation pile. I’ll be damned if my Mother didn’t see that box and wonder what was in it! Ten years under the bed and now she’s interested. “Bows, Mom.” I told her.
“Oh, good. We can use them for wrapping Christmas presents.”
“It’s January, Mom, and they’re lavender. You didn’t use them this Christmas or any previous Christmas, let’s get rid of them.” Then the arguments came. They had to go out and buy bows for Christmas, when they could have used those bows. Pointing out the obvious, that she has had them all this time and not used them once and even forgotten about them would be wasted. They’re now in the basement with the rest of the gift wrapping items. And we haven’t even gotten to the closetful of unused clothing. She has dresses in there from the 70s! I could sell them on eBay as antiques! But, she wants to keep them all; she might wear them again one day.
“Mother, they’re too big for you.” It was so reminiscent of debates I had with my daughter who wanted to save a favorite dress or shirt even though she had outgrown them.
And so it goes with my Mother. I can hardly wait until I actually get moved in and attempt to locate the kitchen counter which I’m certain is what is holding up the 5 standing racks of mugs, 4 boxes of chocolate truffles (6 months old), 3 toasters, a bowl of stale potato chips, various receipts, …….
The time comes in every adult’s life when the roles between parent and child reverse. My role with my parents has hit that point. My Mom is not in poor physical health, but her mental health is beginning to decline. I have several theories on this, one of which is stress. My parents are from the Depression Era and every one I have met from that era, are hoarders. They take consumerism to new heights and my parents are the pinnacle of that. I'll get around to the stress factor. Events have occurred which are making me realize my parents need help and I'm the only one of my siblings in a position to help. It started one afternoon when I had called my parents and they were both still asleep. It was 2PM! My Dad explained that my mother had fallen in the kitchen in the middle of the night. She was up making a grilled cheese sandwich for the dogs. She makes the best grilled cheese sandwiches. It's about the only thing the cooks well. However, on this particular grilled cheese making adventure, she was asleep. When my Dad reported the ins and outs of this event I decided it was time for someone to keep a closer eye on them. I then decided to move in with my parents to help my Dad take care of things around the house to help ease my Mother’s stress. There is barely a place to sit and maneuvering around the piles of magazines (“Don’t throw that away there’s something in there I want to read.” “Mom it’s from 1992.” “I haven’t had the time yet.”) is hard on the most nimble of person. Then there’s the six dogs! I’ll save that one for another time.
The first order of business was cleaning out the spare bedroom. It’s taken me a month! I found no less than 6 empty boxes in that room! Six! Why?! I also found under the bed a rather large boxful of lavender gift wrapping bows which immediately went into the donation pile. I’ll be damned if my Mother didn’t see that box and wonder what was in it! Ten years under the bed and now she’s interested. “Bows, Mom.” I told her.
“Oh, good. We can use them for wrapping Christmas presents.”
“It’s January, Mom, and they’re lavender. You didn’t use them this Christmas or any previous Christmas, let’s get rid of them.” Then the arguments came. They had to go out and buy bows for Christmas, when they could have used those bows. Pointing out the obvious, that she has had them all this time and not used them once and even forgotten about them would be wasted. They’re now in the basement with the rest of the gift wrapping items. And we haven’t even gotten to the closetful of unused clothing. She has dresses in there from the 70s! I could sell them on eBay as antiques! But, she wants to keep them all; she might wear them again one day.
“Mother, they’re too big for you.” It was so reminiscent of debates I had with my daughter who wanted to save a favorite dress or shirt even though she had outgrown them.
And so it goes with my Mother. I can hardly wait until I actually get moved in and attempt to locate the kitchen counter which I’m certain is what is holding up the 5 standing racks of mugs, 4 boxes of chocolate truffles (6 months old), 3 toasters, a bowl of stale potato chips, various receipts, …….
Thursday, January 1, 2009
A New Year
Happy New Year! Thank God 2008 is over! Better yet, thank God the Bush dictatorship is almost over. Now, we get to help clean up the mess. Thanks Rush and Sean for your support of the most inept president and the most hated vice-president in the history of this once great nation. Oh, and by the way fellas, if you don’t like it, there’s always Iraq.
Enough of that, here we are at the beginning of a brand new year. Today is special in many ways; my friend’s grandmother turns 104 today. Happy Birthday, Grandmom! Grandmom was the oldest voter in her county this year. She’s amazingly spry and aware and a true joy as are all little old ladies. But, Grandmom is the shining light in that crowd. She took a fall yesterday and we are all hoping she recovers. The doctors at the hospital said she was fine, but wanted to hold her for observation. I guess not too many of them have ever seen a 104 year old woman up close before. Go, Granny go!
This has been a shitty year. I went to my doctor yesterday for a follow-up and when I told him what a crummy year I’d been having, he corrected me and said it had been a shitty year for me. So, I fully agreed! Yet, somehow I don’t see the year as a total loss. In fact, this has probably a year of monumental growth for me, as well as my children. My illness hasn’t just affected me; it’s had an affect on their lives, too. For one thing, they have all had to come to the realization their parents are mortal and one day will be gone. This became very apparent when their father had a couple of heart attacks and had to have quadruple by-pass surgery, he died a few months after. I was sickest at the time he was in the hospital and was told by my children, that their father and I had to coordinate better. So, I willed myself to get well and was doing fine until his death. I found it ironic that our health should fail at the same time and figured when he died, I would soon follow. But, not yet, today starts a new year and with all things new, the shiny is nice. My health is improving and I’d like to stick around a while.
The tradition on New Year is to make a resolution, or several. Quit smoking; finally lose all that weight, save more money…the list goes on. I learned early in my adulthood not to make New Year resolutions. By March they’re forgotten or reduced to the back burner with clear intentions to pick up the gauntlet again some day. The only resolution I’ve kept is to not make resolutions. Last year, however I unofficially resolved to exercise more; the goal was a pool worthy body by June. Little did I know my body was secretly plotting against me. I was working out three hours a week, yoga, ballet, weight toning, and core training. I made it as far as spring training when I finally admitted that I was sick. I couldn’t lift a two pound weight to shoulder height and became exhausted doing exercises that I had been able to do just weeks before. My training was waning, strength and endurance became foreign concepts to me. My main goal for my day was to nap and nap I did; like a cat.
This year, however, I’m getting better instead of sicker. My pool worthy body is still a goal by June, I’m just not committing to any specific year. (See previous post) I would like to spend the year doing things with my, now adult, children who are the bright spots in my life. I’m amazed at the people they have become. Their Dad and I did alright. And I know, they will find their way when it’s time for me to move along. But, this year is still shiny and bright and I want to see what it grows into. Happy New Year to you all!
Enough of that, here we are at the beginning of a brand new year. Today is special in many ways; my friend’s grandmother turns 104 today. Happy Birthday, Grandmom! Grandmom was the oldest voter in her county this year. She’s amazingly spry and aware and a true joy as are all little old ladies. But, Grandmom is the shining light in that crowd. She took a fall yesterday and we are all hoping she recovers. The doctors at the hospital said she was fine, but wanted to hold her for observation. I guess not too many of them have ever seen a 104 year old woman up close before. Go, Granny go!
This has been a shitty year. I went to my doctor yesterday for a follow-up and when I told him what a crummy year I’d been having, he corrected me and said it had been a shitty year for me. So, I fully agreed! Yet, somehow I don’t see the year as a total loss. In fact, this has probably a year of monumental growth for me, as well as my children. My illness hasn’t just affected me; it’s had an affect on their lives, too. For one thing, they have all had to come to the realization their parents are mortal and one day will be gone. This became very apparent when their father had a couple of heart attacks and had to have quadruple by-pass surgery, he died a few months after. I was sickest at the time he was in the hospital and was told by my children, that their father and I had to coordinate better. So, I willed myself to get well and was doing fine until his death. I found it ironic that our health should fail at the same time and figured when he died, I would soon follow. But, not yet, today starts a new year and with all things new, the shiny is nice. My health is improving and I’d like to stick around a while.
The tradition on New Year is to make a resolution, or several. Quit smoking; finally lose all that weight, save more money…the list goes on. I learned early in my adulthood not to make New Year resolutions. By March they’re forgotten or reduced to the back burner with clear intentions to pick up the gauntlet again some day. The only resolution I’ve kept is to not make resolutions. Last year, however I unofficially resolved to exercise more; the goal was a pool worthy body by June. Little did I know my body was secretly plotting against me. I was working out three hours a week, yoga, ballet, weight toning, and core training. I made it as far as spring training when I finally admitted that I was sick. I couldn’t lift a two pound weight to shoulder height and became exhausted doing exercises that I had been able to do just weeks before. My training was waning, strength and endurance became foreign concepts to me. My main goal for my day was to nap and nap I did; like a cat.
This year, however, I’m getting better instead of sicker. My pool worthy body is still a goal by June, I’m just not committing to any specific year. (See previous post) I would like to spend the year doing things with my, now adult, children who are the bright spots in my life. I’m amazed at the people they have become. Their Dad and I did alright. And I know, they will find their way when it’s time for me to move along. But, this year is still shiny and bright and I want to see what it grows into. Happy New Year to you all!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Committment
So, a friend sent me a link on November 1 this year about NaNoWriMo; AKA National Novel Writing Month. This was a challenge to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. Always up for a challenge I signed on. I've been in the process of writing my award winning, going to make me independently wealthy novel for approximately 40 years now. Writing is something I've always wanted to do. I have a lot of great, novel, ideas. And have started a number of them, so I thought it would be a piece of cake since I already had the beginning and end figured out, surely the middle would just fit in place.
All month I've been getting encouraging emails from various published authors; only one of which I recognized. And they all were reading my mind. Yes, I was bored with this story and wanted to start this other fresh story with a fresh plot. Yes, I was discouraged that I was writing slop and no one (not even me) would want ot read it. Yes, I had thought writing 50,000 words in 30 days was sheer insanity. But, I had made a committment, a promise to myself and the literary world to meet this goal; finally finish something that I have started. I have trouble with that, you see. I tend to bail when things start to look bleak. Well, along with learning to appreciate love, I decided my life's lesson was to learn to keep a promise. Not that I don't keep promises, I tend to not make promises so I don't have to worry about not being able to keep my promise.
So, I made a promise. And, as is true any time one makes a determination, all kinds of things came up that kept me from making my goal. I haven't felt well for most of the month and it's been difficult to sit at my computer to write every day. I decided mid-way through the month to abandon one story and continue on with another that I had abandoned in favor of this one. It was then I admitted to myself I have a problem with committment, so here it is the last day of the challenge and I'm 23,640 words into my 50,000 word novel. Not even half way through and I'm beginning to hate my heroine, agree with my villian that she's a snooty, bitch and decided our victim is truly a victim and should just accept his fate. I've already decided the fate of our villian and can't think of another 26,360 words to describe a sunset. I've thrown in the towel and admitted defeat. BUT, does that mean I'm giving up on my novel? NO! Am I giving up on this story line? NO! Will I continue to push myself to give birth to ONE, NOVEL idea? YES! Just not today.
All month I've been getting encouraging emails from various published authors; only one of which I recognized. And they all were reading my mind. Yes, I was bored with this story and wanted to start this other fresh story with a fresh plot. Yes, I was discouraged that I was writing slop and no one (not even me) would want ot read it. Yes, I had thought writing 50,000 words in 30 days was sheer insanity. But, I had made a committment, a promise to myself and the literary world to meet this goal; finally finish something that I have started. I have trouble with that, you see. I tend to bail when things start to look bleak. Well, along with learning to appreciate love, I decided my life's lesson was to learn to keep a promise. Not that I don't keep promises, I tend to not make promises so I don't have to worry about not being able to keep my promise.
So, I made a promise. And, as is true any time one makes a determination, all kinds of things came up that kept me from making my goal. I haven't felt well for most of the month and it's been difficult to sit at my computer to write every day. I decided mid-way through the month to abandon one story and continue on with another that I had abandoned in favor of this one. It was then I admitted to myself I have a problem with committment, so here it is the last day of the challenge and I'm 23,640 words into my 50,000 word novel. Not even half way through and I'm beginning to hate my heroine, agree with my villian that she's a snooty, bitch and decided our victim is truly a victim and should just accept his fate. I've already decided the fate of our villian and can't think of another 26,360 words to describe a sunset. I've thrown in the towel and admitted defeat. BUT, does that mean I'm giving up on my novel? NO! Am I giving up on this story line? NO! Will I continue to push myself to give birth to ONE, NOVEL idea? YES! Just not today.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Ironically Ironic
Well, you know that my family has experienced a life changing event in that my children's father died. Ironically enough for the last 6 months of his life I kept encouraging him to spend more time with his children. At about the same time I developed my mystery illness he had his first heart attack. When I was at my sickest and the doctors still had no idea what was wrong with me, he had bypass surgery. I was told by our children that he and I must coordinate our illnesses better because having us both on death's doorstep at the same time was just too much for them.
I spent a great deal of time concerning myself with our children. What will happen to them if I die? Holidays have always been spent with me at my house. They would visit their Dad the next day or later in the weekend, if at all, but we were always together at my house. And not just holidays, when their brother comes to town, they gather at my house, the Fourth of July, Sundays... Well, I was finally diagnosed, began treatment and began to mend and he recovered from his surgery. I felt compelled to talk to him, to convince him to gt to know his kids as the adults they have become. I called him and wrote him letters. He reached out a little to our daughter, but as we all do, he thought he would have tomorrow to spend more time with them.
In my last conversation with him I told him I needed to know they would have someone and some place to gather and he said "You know, when you go it will leave a void.....but they'll find their way." A few weeks later I got a midnight phone call from my daughter that he had died.
In all my trying to pull him in to us and keep him a part of their lives, he's now gone and his passing has left a void and created an abyss that is tearing us apart. But, in time we'll find our way. Ironic isn't it?
I spent a great deal of time concerning myself with our children. What will happen to them if I die? Holidays have always been spent with me at my house. They would visit their Dad the next day or later in the weekend, if at all, but we were always together at my house. And not just holidays, when their brother comes to town, they gather at my house, the Fourth of July, Sundays... Well, I was finally diagnosed, began treatment and began to mend and he recovered from his surgery. I felt compelled to talk to him, to convince him to gt to know his kids as the adults they have become. I called him and wrote him letters. He reached out a little to our daughter, but as we all do, he thought he would have tomorrow to spend more time with them.
In my last conversation with him I told him I needed to know they would have someone and some place to gather and he said "You know, when you go it will leave a void.....but they'll find their way." A few weeks later I got a midnight phone call from my daughter that he had died.
In all my trying to pull him in to us and keep him a part of their lives, he's now gone and his passing has left a void and created an abyss that is tearing us apart. But, in time we'll find our way. Ironic isn't it?
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
A Life of No Regrets
Well, sho nuff. Give a blog a title like "Overcoming Adversity" and what happens? The Universe throws me a bunch of adversity to rant about!
My ex-husband died recently. He was the father of two of my children and I never stopped loving him or him me for that matter. Love was not the problem. Violence was the problem, uncontrollable anger. We talked a lot the last few months of his all too short life, more so than in the last 10 years. It's too bad, too. He had had a heart attack about the same time I had begun to get sick. When I was probably at my sickest and my doctors had still not been able to come up with a diagnosis, he had bypass surgery. The kids each called me and told me that they couldn't deal with us both being sick at the same time; we had to coordinate better. Perhaps that's why I got sick. So, we could touch base one last time.
The one thing about knocking on Heaven's door is, it makes you reach out to people you wouldn't otherwise reach out to. There is a tendency to want to finish unfinished business. We all have our unfinished business with others. Be honest. My ex told me that his Grandfather had said to live a life of no regrets. I wonder if he honestly thought about that. I believe that to live a life of no regrets, in order to do that, one would have to live as a conscientious person, take responsibility for everything one does. It would mean that you thought about everything you said and did and how everything you do effects someone somewhere; the "Butterfly Effect". You've all heard of the 'butterfly effect', ‘a butterfly flapping its wings in South America can affect the weather in
How does one live a life of no regrets daily? Here’s how I plan to do it. First, I will be grateful. To be grateful for all that you have and how you express it effects things. It effects, first how you see yourself which also gives you pause to be grateful, which makes it east to just not worry. To know that life will unfold as it's meant to unfold. There in lies one of the secrets, to know that life will present all that we need and there needn’t be any worry. As long as we have given more than we have taken, more will provide itself. All we need to do is be grateful for what we have. I think we, as a society, have forgotten to be grateful. We just want more, more video games, more food, more bells and whistles on our cars, more, more, more. It reminds me of a story I read to my kids about the tawny, scrawny lion. No matter what he ate, he could never get enough. So, today I will be grateful.
To have a day with no anger. What would it take for you to have a day of no anger? Things cause us to become angry, we can’t avoid feeling angry. It’s how that anger is expressed that matters. Is it stuffed inside a box deep within our souls only to eat away at our very sense of self worth and rear its ugly head in a fury? Or is it analyzed, dealt with and allowed to fizzle out? Do we ask whether or not it’s worth getting angry over? We can’t avoid feeling angry at times, but it’s how we express it that matters. Do you drive down the highway in a fury zigzagging in and out of traffic because some asshole cut you off on the on ramp? How many other people are you affecting in your erratic, angered state and how many people will they affect due to the anger that they feel because of your erratic driving? There’s that butterfly effect. Do you blame those around you for your problems or your bad feelings? It’s a little like paranoia. When you allow others to have that much control and power over your life, it’s hard to relax and enjoy it. Always looking over your shoulder to see who’s going to come along and mess up your world. So, today I’ll think about my angry feelings and decide whether or not they are worth expressing.
Today, I will tell my loved ones how special they are and why. I will tell my friends how much I appreciate the richness and diversity they have brought to my life. I will hold out my hand to someone in need and offer them a little comfort and solace if just for a few moments. Today I will see my self as a water drop that has fallen into a pond and made ripples on the quiet, tranquil water and I will do my best to have a positive effect on those around me. Today I will live a day of no regrets and in so doing I will add up these days until they become a life. I will strive to live a life of no regrets.
I think Grandpa Guild knew what he was talking about.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Automation
We are an automated society. I came upon this realization today while my floor scrubbing robot was cleaning my kitchen and dining room floors, the dishwasher was doing the dishes and just after I had installed the automatic shower cleaning device in my shower. You know the one, with the two maids that scour your shower after every use. The sound of the automatic cat box cleaner do it’s time saving chore of scooping the cat litter and depositing it into a little receptacle that only requires I toss the little bag into the trash on a regular basis. Why, even the city trash collection is automated. Someone drives the truck, stops at a house and an arm comes out and lifts the plastic trash can and dumps it into the truck.
I recall as a kid there were three men to collect the trash. One drove the truck, the other two, one on one side of the truck the one on the other, got off and tossed the contents of the metal trash containers into the back of the truck. Then the giant compactor pushed all the wet, smelly trash back against the back wall of the garbage truck. The men would walk along behind or sometimes in front of the truck emptying the cans of two or three houses, then hop back on the truck and ride a few houses down and then start again. When I got older, I had a friend who was a garbage man. They didn’t call them garbage men by then, they were “sanitation engineers”. Same thing, different name. He had a garage full of some really cool stuff that he would salvage from people’s garbage. Statuettes, lamps, pictures…it took 7 truck loads to clean out the garage from his bachelor apartment and fill up the garage of his married life home. But, hey, he had some cool stuff. Now, all the romance is gone.
Last night I saw an advertisement for a robotic wheelchair. What an incredible device. It had two wheels with substantial tread about the size of stroller wheels. These wheels could be controlled to sit on top of each other to increase height, thus enabling a person to play basketball, dance, reach for things that would have otherwise been unreachable. It will even climb stairs! What an amazing machine! Automation at it's finest.I have a machine to wash my dishes, my floor, I have a garage door opener that I can activate from my car, my television tuner can be preprogrammed to automatically tune to a specific channel at a specific time, I can even record a program when I’m not home. All with the touch of a button. At the mall I can get on an escalator and ride up a flight or two and at the airport I can step onto a conveyor belt that will move me along to the next gate. I wonder, as man evolves if our index fingers will become long and muscular and our legs and arms will become smaller. Will we eventually begin to look like E.T.? What’s going to happen to my 1972 AMF Roadmaster bicycle? Will it eventually end up in some archeological dig where scientists with tiny arms and legs scratch their heads and puzzle over what it might be and what it might have been used for?
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