ONE THING OR ANOTHTER

Well, I really am improving and my lab results are almost normal. I’m finally able to taper almost completely off of my methylprednisolone. The pain in my muscles has lessened, I’m getting more mobility in my arms and legs. I can almost lift my left arm above my head and my right….well, it’s still a problem but improving. I have had a concern when walking down the stairs of my knees buckling beneath me. That would be bad. Falling up stairs, which I’m quite good at, is one thing. I don’t have far to go before I land, but falling downstairs would be bad. Not only would it be a big drop, but natural instinct is to put the hands out to stop the fall and my arms don’t hold my weight, so I would fall flat on my face from a big drop. Then there would be the issue of getting up. So, feeling as if my knees will buckle is scary.

I woke the other night with the most excruciating pain in my knees. Both of them, though the pain in the right was worse and radiated down to my ankle and up into my hip. Nothing I tried alleviated the pain; heat, ice, elevating my legs, straightening my legs, walking…nothing, save pain meds. I tried the milder ones first and got about 30 minutes of relief then I went to a double dose of the big guns. That helped for about an hour and I was able to sleep a little. First thing in the morning I called my Doc and was able to see him. I am the Queen there, you know. Not every patient they see has a rare autoimmune disorder. He suspects ‘aseptic necrosis’ of the bone in my knees caused by the steroid. Which in essence means my bone is dying without infection. Nice. So, he’s ordered another MRI. He also thinks I have tennis elbow. I don’t even own a tennis racket.

The thought I have is this, every time, I see improvement, I have a set back. So, am I creating these set backs to avoid having to assume responsibility? Even though, the fact that no one else in this house is assuming the responsibilities and it’s making me crazy? I say that I can’t wait to be able to mop the floor, clean the house, straighten the laundry room, drive… I keep having these set backs. The treatment for the bone necrosis is to drill a hole into the bone to encourage blood flow. So, undoubtedly, I would be in a cast for a few weeks. Would I also be in a wheel chair since my arms are too weak to support me? I wonder if once the grandkids are gone, and my mental attitude improves, if these set backs won’t improve also? I’d ask “What else?” but I’d probably get an answer.